Saga of the Antihero

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This issue of Tales from the Tavern is copyrighted by Jagex. It is copied verbatim from the RuneScape website.

Reldo writes: I recently discovered this interesting folk tale in my library archives.

I consider it a fine example of early 5th age Romanticism, and have reproduced it here for the enjoyment of others.

Saga of the Antihero - by Gen Crunchy[edit | edit source]

Birthright[edit | edit source]

This story tells the tale of the antihero, the person who got it all... nearly. Now let us silence, and hear the saga of the antihero...

Suddenly there was a light, and, after his eyes had adjusted to that strange new sensation, a town appeared before him, a town dominated by a grand castle, with a few little buildings hidden in the castle's shadow. Disoriented, our antihero looked at a sign, saying "Lumbridge general store". As his mind raced to grasp what had happened, a text in the corner of his eye grabbed his attention, it stated "welcome to Runescape".

Runescape, could this be the name of that strange new world? but how did he get here? would this be life, about which he knew so much? but how did he knew? he couldn't remember anything before that light... He woke out of his pondering when someone called to him, "hey noob, move it". Puzzled he stepped aside for a knight, or so it appeared, in sparkling, sky-blue armour, a grand shining sword dangling at his side. As the knight passed, a rich purple cloak was revealed, dancing on the lively steps of the knight. With this image still burning on his retina, our antihero thought: "that's what I want to be". And so he set out on his quest to seek the reason of his existence, indeed, his birthright in that grand new world, Runescape.

First Steps[edit | edit source]

The antihero's first steps were towards that grand castle, surely he could find a helping hand there. He had been right, the first person he spoke to turned out to be the governor, and he was as helpful as to tell him that mining and smithing were quick and easy ways to earn some hard needed coin. So it came that our antihero took his trusty pick, of which only Saradomin knows how it had gotten in his pocket, and set out to crush some rock.

This was the time that rocks were still hard, and obtaining ore still took several hits. but after a long and rewarding day of work, he carried a small collection of self-made daggers and hatchets, wrought with blood, sweat and tears. The local arms dealer of Varrock was so kind as to pay a good price for these daggers, and our antihero found himself in possession of his first gold coins! Of course these coins were savoured, and safely stored in the reliable safes of the Bank of Varrock.

More of these days followed, and our antihero became more proficient. He soon crafted more and more of his equipment until one day he laid down his hammer, sighed in relief, and tried on his masterpiece: bronze plate. Our antihero now walked around in what is called "full bronze". Our antihero was then eager to try out the fruit of his labours, and sought an appropriate opponent. The battle against the evil rats populating the sewers was hard, but in the end our antihero emerged, hands shed in rat blood, armour dented on al sides, his own blood dripping from a nasty gap in his forehead, but wiser, stronger and more experienced. On that day, our antihero had set his first steps on the path that would lead him further than he had dared dream. A path of hard work, of complex mysteries, grand battles, but most of all, well earned experience.

Growing and Integrating[edit | edit source]

Our hero kept growing more experienced, in crafting armour and weapons, in slaying the doers of evil, and even in the fine arts of the kitchen, for it gave him great delight to sit down after a harsh battle and enjoy a good meal.

This advancing of our antihero was noticed by other people, who sought his help, and rewarded him greatly every time he slew an evildoer, retrieved a prized artefact[sic], or just did the groceries. Through this, slowly but surely his reputation grew and grew, and our antihero found himself being in possession of the one thing harsh labour or coins can't get you: friends. Some of these friends were already far more experienced than he was, and our antihero learned a great deal from those friends, knowledge he was happy to share with his less experienced friends, or just the random passer-by in need of help.

As our antihero advanced through trying, talking and training, he joined several guilds, the cook's guild, where he learned even more of the fine kitchen, the mining guild, as he was capable in unearthing the ores that mother nature hid so well, the crafting guild, for his fingers ware adapt at cutting gems, the holy church of Saradomin, for our antihero was a devoted worshipper, and even the champions guild, for doing his fair share in making Runescape a better place. He was also more appreciated by his growing number of friends, helping out those in need, or just being a good friend, a listening ear and a giver of advice. Thus all went well, until in the end, one obstacle stood between our antihero and his vision of the knight in blue: the dragon of Crandor Isle.

The Dragon of Crandor Isle[edit | edit source]

Our antihero had grown, learned and had made friends, but still, he had not reached his goal: that prestigious blue armour called full rune. only one obstacle remained between him and that goal: the dragon of Crandor Isle. Our antihero took up the quest to overcome this obstacle, to defeat the dragon, so to reach his ultimate goal and to rid the world of this great evil.

His friend the Governor of Lumbridge gave him the "anti-dragon breath shield" to help our friend come back in one piece, the champion's guild provided the best equipment they could for this great undertaking, the cook's guild chef personally prepared a good supply of nourishing fish to go, the crafting guild made the best amulet they could, the assembled monks of Saradomin prayed for success, the mining guild even threw in some extra strength training. All this resulted in our antihero being as ready as he would ever be. So it was that our antihero boarded his ship, the "Lumbridge Lady" and set sail to Crandor Isle. Captain Ned guided the ship well, not even a freak storm, which nearly sank them, could stop Captain Ned from reaching Crandor Isle. however, the fair Lumbridge Lady was to beaten up to sail back home, so the only way out was in, into the dank lair that was home to that evil creature, the Dragon. After killing many evil creatures guarding their master of evil, our antihero reached the dragon's lair, a few people there wished him luck, and our antihero entered that dank lair. He saw the dragon, uttered a last prayer to Saradomin and fearlessly charged it, only to find a bloodstained, black, scarred dragonclaw ripping through his intestines, and all went black... Suddenly there was a light, and, after his eyes had adjusted to that strange new sensation, a town appeared before him, a town dominated by a grand castle...